WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING

SO ITS ONE MONTH INTO 2009. HERE I SIT, NOT DOING SHIT!! I HAVE ALL THESE HUGE DREAMS AND ASPIRATIONS THAT I WANT TO ACHIEVE AND YET I CONTINUE TO SIT. I AM CURRENTLY IN A SHITTY PLACE IN MY LIFE. I HAVEN'T ACCOMPLISHED A GOD DAMN THING IN THE PAST 3+ YRS THAT I HAVE LIVED IN UTAH. I SIT HERE 37 MONTHS LATER AND LOOK BACK WHAT HAVE I DONE? A SHIT LOAD OF PARTYING AND A LIL SCHOOL. I HAVE MADE SOME FRIENDS, AND LOST SOME FRIENDS. I MET AND LOST THE WOMEN OF MY DREAMS. I HAVE LOST SOME WEIGHT AND GAINED SOME WEIGHT. I HAVE BEEN HAPPY FOR SHORT PERIODS AND SAD FOR LONG PERIODS. I HAVE BEEN REAL AND FAKE.

I SIT HERE AND REFLECT ON WHERE MY LIFE IS AT RIGHT NOW AND I HATE IT!! I WAKE UP GO TO SCHOOL OR WORK OR DON'T LEAVE MY ROOM. I COME HOME OR GO PARTYING. EITHER WAY IT ENDS UP JUST THE SAME. I HAVE BEEN PROCRASTINATING FOR THE PAST 3 YRS ABOUT STARTING MY LIFE. NOW I AM ABOUT TO CHANGE MY SURROUNDINGS AGAIN...AND FOR WHAT? SO I CAN FAKE IT TIL I MAKE IT??? FUCK THAT!!! IF I DON'T CHANGE WHERE MY LIFE IS AT RIGHT NOW I GONNA END UP DEAD. LITERALLY NOT FIGURATIVELY. I HAVE ALL I NEED TO SUCCEED IN LIFE WITH MY BUDDHIST PRACTICE YET I TAKE IT FOR GRANTED DAY IN AND DAY OUT. I GO WEEKS ON END JUST SITTING WAITING AND HOPING MY SITUATION IMPROVES WITHOUT TAKING ANY ACTION.. WHAT KIND OF FANTASY WORLD AM I LIVING IN?? I HAVE KNOWN FOR ALL 23 OF MY YEARS ON THIS EARTH THAT I HAVE THE TOOLS TO CREATE THE FUTURE I WANT FOR MYSLEF AT MY DISPOSAL AND YET I TAKE IT FOR GRANTED EVERY SINGLE DAY. NOW THAT I HAVE REACHED ROCK BOTTOM IT'S TIME TO EITHER PUT UP OR SHUT UP. I HAVE TWO CHOICES IN FRONT OF ME RIGHT NOW. ONE OF THEM WILL LEAD ME DOWN A PATH OF SUCCESS AND UNPRECEDENTED HAPPINESS. THE OTHER WITH LEAD ME TO FAILURE, PAIN AND ULTIMATELY DEATH. NOW WHY ON EARTH WOULD I WANT TO CONTINUE FAILING? BECAUSE THAT IS ALL I'VE KNOWN? BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I AM COMFORTABLE WITH? THAT'S BULLSHIT!! IF YOU WOULD HAVE ASKED 15 YR OLD COLIN WHERE I WOULD BE IN TEN YEARS? I GUARANTEE HE WOULD NOT HAVE TOLD YOU I'D BE SITTING WHERE I AM TODAY!! HE WOULD SEE ME AND BE DISGUSTED AND YET, 23 YR OLD COLIN IS COMPLACENT WHERE I AM...MAKES SENSE TO ME. IF I DON'T START LIVING DAY IN AND DAY OUT TO THE FULLEST I MAY AS WELL KILL MYSELF. I HAVE NO DESIRE TO KEEP LIVING LIKE THIS. I HAVE GOT TO GET OVER MYSELF AND START MAKING THE DECISIONS THAT WILL HELP MY LIFE INSTEAD OF HURT ME. WHY DO I SELF DESTRUCT? BECAUSE I AM HUMAN, BUT I AM ALSO A BUDDHIST AND I HAVE THE TOOLS TO ETERNALLY HAPPINESS AND INSTEAD OF UTILIZING THEM ON A DAILY BASIS, I CHOOSE TO FAIL AND BECOME A DEPRESSED PERSON. WELL IT'S TIME I DO IT. I HAVE BEEN ALL TALK FOR SO MANY YEARS ITS TIME I STEP UP TO THE PLATE AND BE A MAN. IF MY LITTLE BROTHER CAN MAN UP WHEN HE HAS NEEDED TOO, I SURE AS SHIT BETTER BE ABLE TOO!!!

SO I HAVE DECIDED I AM GOING TO VIRGINIA AND GET A FRESH START. I AM NOT GOING TO BRING LAZY ASS COLIN WITH ME THOUGH. HE IS STAYING IN UTAH. I AM GOING TO USE THE OPPORTUNITY IN FRONT OF ME AS A WAY OUT. THIS TIME I AM NOT GOING TO DIG MYSELF BACK DOWN. I AM GOING TO STAND VICTORIOUS!!! I AM GOING TO BE ABLE TO LOOK BACK IN ANOTHER 37 MONTHS AND SAY "WHAO, I ACTUALLY ACCOMPLISHED WHAT I SET OUT TO DO, 37 MONTHS AGO." I AM GOING TO BE 26 YEARS OLD IN 37 MONTHS AND I CAN EITHER BE A SUCCESSFUL HAPPY 26 YR OLD, OR I CAN BE A SAD, DEPRESSED 26 YR OLD FAILURE. ONLY I HAVE THE CHOICE AND ABILITY TO EFFECT WHICH ONE I AM.

FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. I NEED TO BE A MAN JUST LIKE MY 18 YR OLD BROTHER AND I NEED TO TAKE CARE OF NUMERO UNO INSTEAD OF FAKING IT AND HOPING I MAKE IT. I AM GOING TO WIN ON A YEARLY, MONTHLY, WEEKLY, DAILY BASIS. I AM GOING TO BE ABLE TO STAND ON MY OWN TWO FEET AND BE VICTORIOUS.

Inauguration Day 2009

Change, we've heard so much about it for the past 18 months, now we can finally see it happening. This mornings inauguration of our 44st president Barack Obama, is such a significant event. It is the changing of the guard. There are a few dates that stand out in American history. Dec. 7th 1941 - Pearl Harbor Bombing, Nov. 22 1963 - Kennedy Assination, July 16th 1969 - Moon Landing, Sept. 11th 2001, and today Jan. 20th 2009. Today is one of those dates where you remember where you were when. Today's inauguration is such a big event, it ends a 25 year Bush, Clinton strangle hold on american politics. It brings fourth new excitment into the white house. Brack Obama is more like a celebrity then a politician. He gets people young and old excited about the future and the task ahead facing our nation. I for one am so ecstatic about the future of our country. Just listening to his speech this morning gave me chills. We made the right decision in electing Obama.

CHANGE IS HERE!!

INC. WHAT AN INSPIRATION

EVERY MONTH WHEN I RECIEVE MY COPY OF INC. MAGAZINE AND I READ ABOUT ALL THESE RICH YOUNG ENTREPRENEURS AND I GET SO AMP'D. I READ THESE ARTICLES ABOUT THESE 20-40 YR OLDS WHO ARE DOING BIG THINGS WITH THEIR START UPS AND MAKING HUGE PROFITS. LIKE THIS MONTH'S FEATURE, MARKUS FRIND, HE STARTED THE WEBSITE, http://www.plentyoffish.com/ IT'S A DATING SITE, NOTHING SPECIAL, CRUDE DESIGN, BOLD FONTS. THE ONE DIFFERENCE, IT'S FREE. UNLIKE THE MATCH.COM'S OF THE WORLD. THE SITE LOOKS LIKE IT WAS CREATED IN A HIGH SCHOOL COMPUTER CLASS. HIS SITE GENERATES 1.5 BILLION (WITH A B) VIEWS PER MONTH. WITH 10 MILLION USERS AND 800,000 SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS STARTED, YEAH ITS WORKING! THIS 30 YR OLD WORKS 1 HR A DAY, AND MAKES 10 MILLION BUCKS A YEAR. EVERY MONTH I READ THESE SAME ARTICLES AND I KNOW I CAN DO WHAT THEY DO. I READ MARKUS, MADE $ 800,000 IN 2 MONTHS THANKS TO GOOGLE'S ADSENSE. PLACING LITTLE ADS ON HIS SITE PAYS IM HALF A MILLION DOLLARS A MONTH!! OH MY GOD!!! SO I AM DETERMIND TO START MY SITE UP. I WILL BE USING THIS BLOG TO UPDATE PROGRESS ON MY SITE. PLEASE SUBSCRIBE AND FOLLOW THIS JOURNEY THAT HOPEFULLY ENDS IN A SWIMMING POOL FULL OF SACAGAWEA'S

CHEERS

2009 - The Year of Youth and Victory

So here I sit, it's resolution O'clock on January 4Th 2009. Whoa 2009, that sounds crazy, it makes me feel old to hear that. I guess that means I am just getting older.

I have been making the same cliche resolutions for about the last 5 years. school blah, work blah, health blah, family blah. I get stoked about them for like 2 weeks then i just let em go. So I decided this year with the help of this blog I will make these resolutions a reality, ya know something that I will actually accomplish. So I think I'm gonna limit my resolutions to 10 so I can actually accomplish them.

1. Chant everyday and get involved with SGI
2. Do what it takes to get my finances on point by June 1st
3. Get my web site up and running by march 1st
4. Get healthy so I can run the St. George Marathon Oct. 3rd
5. Be there for both of my future niece/nephews births
6. Get a new car by my birthday
7. Become happy with my work situation
8. Decide my work / school future
9. Get my relationships in order
10. Go back to Costa Rica

I think I can accomplish every one of my goals. I have always had the drive and desire to succeed and I think it's now or never time. I cannot go another year like 2008, If I do, I may not be making resolutions in 2010 It has to happen this year. 2009 is the year of youth and victory